~Chapter Twenty~


                                                            THE CURLY SHUFFLE---



"I'm a victim of soycumstance..."

--- Curly Howard   


What a time to be alive in human history.  As a species, we're close to becoming interplanetary.  We're also in a very real danger of letting our lizard brain getting the best of us, as we ready to launch a different kind of rocket.  All this time, I've been looking for a way to count myself as a human being while living as a bipolar.  As it turns out, our whole species is bipolar.  We're torn between life and death.  It's almost laughable, if it weren't so horribly true.


Like they say, the truth hurts. It's especially hurtful when considering how rarely it's appeared in most of the history books.  People who've been charged with giving an accurate account of how a given history unfolded, have probably embellished it somewhat over the telling and the retelling. 

The same is probably true of how present day events will be recorded for posterity.  The tendency is to paint a picture of history in a way that favors the points of view of the story tellers.  The history books taught in Japanese youth classes about WW II are dramatically different than those works of fiction told here in the states of the same events.  How little historians have changed in all this time.

    Yet, there are some universal truths too. For instance, most all of us like to laugh.  But, just like with everything else, humor is relative too.  The kinds of things that make us laugh are as diverse as the things which people consider funny.  After all these half baked attempts at word smithing, I think I could use a laugh long about now.  It's hard to crack open a smile, especially as I look around and see how most people are far from living the kind of life they dreamed of as children.  

    Depression be damned.  How about a little levity? But even an attempt at humor isn't all that easy.  What some consider funny, others don't.  I'm trying to think of  something that's considered universally hilarious.  But, what's funny without visual aids? Most funny stuff is either visual, or has to do with funny sounds.  Like George Carlin pointed out for example, "Farts are funny as hell.  Two guys in an elevator, & one of 'em farts --- everybody knows who did it."

       Or, just in thinking about a certain goofy looking trio of miscreants hitting each other with monkey wrenches while making funny noises is funny! All the world's a stooge. Sometimes living in a harsh world requires a little harsh humor. 

It's tough not to get a little harsh at times. It's also hard to refute that the world is what you've made it. No other creature (that you know of) has so dramatically altered the world as humanity has. Other than the insects, your's is the current, dominant life form. It's quite a  responsibility that you've created for yourselves. Is it not only fair that you be made to feel the consequences of such power? With great power, comes great responsibility. It can't be conveniently shirked off to someone else, though it often is. 

    Too bad we can't put the blame on someone else.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a scape goat? Moe always had one at the ready, whether it was Curly or Shemp.  Here to provide some comic relief, are those same  stooges.  Sorry ladies (you HATE these guys, right?), but there's a lame brain male, more or less, who's writing this.  Although, every once in a while, I find myself wondering why we men stand in awe of these 3 idiots so much.  If ever I need a break from how seriously I take things, then the stooges and their antics are sometimes the answer.  Maybe it's fun reveling in such a display of sheer stupidity.  Plus, I don't even have to go to church on Sundays.

       The plot lines are always the same, but like when watching porno, who cares? Most of the stooge shorts don't really have an ending, they just sort of...end.  One second they're up to their silly haircuts in trouble, only to end up being carried away atop a bucking bull, or flying down the street in a runaway truck--- always to the theme of "three blind mice."

    Before that, we have about 15 minutes of skull bashing fun.  For some reason, there's always a veritable arsenal of all this stuff laying around that was absolutely meant to be smashed over Curly's nubbed noggin. And what's not funny about all those "Nyuk Nyuk Nyuks?" A given plot usually began with someone in charge of some high risk construction job saying: "I just hired 3 new men. Everything should be just fine." I wonder who's doing all the hiring in a little place called Washington D.C., because it certainly isn't US.

       I wish someone in Congress would for once, disagree with some right wing nut job, and proceed to stick him in the eyes with outstretched mid & forefingers.  It'd be sweet if it could somehow be accompanied by the quintessential stooge "eye gouging" sound effects too.  Ever notice there's 2 of them, eye poking sounds that is?  Though the sounds are really close together, take a listen sometime. That's because of the genius of the stooges, or at least, the genius of their foley artists.  Think about it, ya knuckle head.  Two fingers, one slightly longer than the other, makes 2 distinct sounds.  Who ever thought the sound made by the plucking of violin strings would call to mind some poor slob getting his eyes plunked?

       I remember one of the first times I was angered by all the censorship here in the U.S.  I used to love watching The Stooges every day after school when I was a kid.  For some reason, the FCC (it works both as an acronym, or a certain word, if spoken as spelled with a hard "C ") had it banned from the air around that same time. 

       Apparently, some chowder headed dim wit hit his brother over the head with a real hammer, or some other such nonsense.  His inspiration? You guessed it! Before I found out the story was just a made up excuse for yanking the boys off the air, I thought to myself: "If somebody's dumb enough to mix up props with the real thing, then so what? Why ruin the fun for the rest of us?" Hey, I was a little kid.  Remember?

       Now I find they're doing the same thing to classic cartoons! The conservative agenda (of proclaiming moral values while being immoral) claims that cartoons are too violent.  Violent cartoons? Yeah, that's what makes 'em so funny.  Maybe I haven't softened all that much since childhood after all, because now I say, "If there are people who  think they can walk off a cliff, and then just dust it off like Wyle E. Coyote, then do we really need them spreading their DNA into the human gene pool anyway?"

       Yes, we do need a scape goat.  I suggest we take out our frustrations on our so-called leaders.  As the old joke asks: "If you threw both a Democrat and a Republican out of a 30th floor window, which would hit the ground 1st?
I don't know either, but it's definitely worth a try."  What's really sad is, we only have 2 real choices of which kind of diphthong we let ruin our lives, at least here in the U. S.  But enough about politics.  Now that we have cable t.v., let's get back to our Stooges.  Quickly, before someone kicks them off the air again.

       For nearly 50 yrs, the original formula stayed tried and true.  There's still the question of why the 3 accident prone divot heads are so universally funny among men.  Maybe it's because that no matter how dumb we feel,
these guys are even dumber. We men might be morons, but at least we know that if we make a cake that's loaded with nitroglycerine, there's bound to be consequences. 

       Yes girls, it's true.  Guys could talk about this kind of stuff forever.  Some of my most enjoyable friendships were made based on that philosophy.  My cat's even a fan. He snores like Shemp.  I think if the world leaders could all sit down and watch the Stooges, then we'd have something.  Just what, I have no idea.  But plot or not, it surely couldn't hurt.  If only the boys hadn't died.  I'm thinking Curly would've made one helluva diplomat.  With someone like him to belt around all the time, there'd be no time left for war.

Sorry for the shift in gears, but yours has become a whole world of Curlys & Shemps.  Only no one's laughing all that much anymore.  Sure, there's still the stooges, but you've just been punched in the gut (figuratively speaking here), and you're looking for someone on which to take it out.  Someone's got to be held accountable for the pain you're feeling, but there's no one to smack back.  You've found plenty of ways though, to compensate for this.

There are so many scapegoats all around.  Like Moe belts Larry & Curly (or Shemp, let's not forget poor Shemp), you strike out at the other races, countries, political parties, religions, or just anyone who looks like an easy target.  You lash out, expecting to get some relief.  You get red faced with hysteria, and then blow your stack, but the emptiness remains.  The pain and anguish hasn't been touched.  You even start getting angry at the people who aren't sharing in your anger.  How can they not be angry, what with all that's going on in the world?

After all that nose thwacking and eye poking, you still feel miserable. Scapegoats only serve you up to a point, but then you're left realizing how the root problems of rage still persist.  This is what your species is feeling today.  Now you're running out of things on which to place the blame.  This juvenile behavior needs to stop.  It's time now to start taking responsibility for your own collective actions.  Either that, or just start a really good food fight.

     I just realized that many of the stooge shorts featured at least one eating scene, and usually quite a lengthy one. It usually involves Shemp or Curly eating something he shouldn't.  Their spirit undaunted, they kept on chewing away.  Of course, the shorts were made during the great depression era, so maybe there was something about seeing some jerk eating a shoe that made us feel a little better.  But why let faulty exposition get n the way?
When the hapless stooges started coughing up feathers or soap bubbles (always using a suspicious side shot), that only sweetened the deal.

    Speaking of food, I've just made an observation.  I've just realized I'm not hungry.  I should be feeling hunger pangs by now, because I've not eaten a bite in over 8 hours.  This has happened before, and always when I'm locked in some creative, or otherwise engaging pursuit. 

    As I work, time slips away.  As I get more involved with this project or that, I'm no longer aware of the passage of time.  That's when other things disappear as well, like the need to eat.  I've got the feeling that there's a good explanation for this.  I've also got the feeling that the answer will surpass anything so quaint as, "A watched pot never boils," or, "Time flies when you're having fun."

At least that's partially right.  The last two sayings hold true to their words, in the physical world anyway.  Bear in mind though, that this world is but a part of the whole.  As you've suspected however, there's a more mysterious side to any story.  Sometimes, the simplest question can open the door to the universe. If someone has courage enough to ask a question, no matter how preposterous, then they've immediately earned the right to an answer.  At least, one they think they can handle.

There's rarely just one side to any question. In a world of black and whites, is there any room for some gray? Ok then, why indeed would a person not feel hunger pangs while involved in a project that requires deep focus?  Believe it or not, this is a good question, because it opens many doors into consciousness.   It might even lend itself to support the notion of a soul. Since we're dealing with such a yawning chasm of speculation, it's best to be as brief and to the point as is possible. Not only that, but it'll save a lot of writing space.

The reason for someone not feeling hungry while mentally occupied is because of having unconsciously reached what's called the "alpha" state of being.  This isn't some mystical mumbo-jumbo, and you needn't be a middle-eastern fakir in order to comprehend it. 

This state of mind can be observed directly, in the form of detectable brainwaves.  The brain, like any other biological system, is the organic side of the metaphysical coin.  Something like a brain is an essential tool that can be used as a means for certain bio-electrical energy sources (the soul, if you wish) to communicate in palpable form.

       Let's try to put this into words that'll make it easier on someone who's blood sugar's starting to bottom out. All this metaphysical straining makes a person's head start to hurt.  Damn, I'm really hungry.  I was going to add an exclamation point to that last sentence, but I hate those things.  See, I get grumpy when hungry too!
I really do hate exclamation points.

If we can agree that a soul needs a way to communicate directly with its body, then no one should dispute that brain waves can be detected physically.  Such waves can be measured  in the form of a bio-electrical discharge. Some of these discharges can be measured tangibly with an electroencephalograph. On a chart, there appears all of these squiggly lines. These peaks and valleys are recorded there by needles that translate electrical energy being emitted by the brain into wave forms. The electrical impulses given off by a living mind can be verified empirically. In short, there's real and physical evidence to support the reality of unseen brain emissions like alpha waves.

       Alpha... Soup.  Alphabet soup.  Wonder if I have some of that somewhere? Probably not, I'm always afraid I'll pick up enough letters in a fork full for them to make fun of me somehow.  "It's soup.  Try using a spoon, moron." Ok, that might be a pretty long message to scoop up in a single go of it.

Alpha waves are just one kind of brain discharge  There are many other such waves like theta and beta, but the alpha emissions are of particular interest.  These are the most visible during deep sleep.  As a person approaches the rapid eye movement portion of sleeping, there's a corresponding rise in alpha wave detection.  As we've already mentioned, there's no appreciable difference between mind and body on the subconscious level.  Each is a permutation of the other.  This should aid your ability to accept the possibility that a brain has an alpha state that can cross over physical boundaries.  In effect, waves like this are able to navigate beyond the physical realm.

      I think there might be a jar of peanut butter around  here somewhere.  Getting back to the point at hand, only the most shrewd of skeptics require this sort of evidence, especially when trying to capture something as elusive as a soul.  As such a person, it's hard for me to envision anything that can't be weighed, measured, or catalogued.  I'm still inclined to seek out a rational explanation for everything, if I'm to take it very seriously. 

    As Carl Sagan took such a delight in reminding us, whether he was talking about visits from extra terrestrials, or proof of an after life--- "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence to support them." I also heard he had low blood sugar problems, like I do right now.  If you put bread in the freezer, there's less likely to be mold on it.  I think I still have a loaf in there from last month.

      Just because electrical energy can be "seen" trickling from our brains, doesn't necessarily imply the presence of a soul.  Besides, we've already agreed that such metaphysical things should be seen as just that.
They are beyond the physical.  I don't think we're yet evolved enough technologically to set about the task of wrangling up denizens of the nether world.  I DO think it's time to wrangle up some grub.

It's true that skepticism is a valuable weapon with which to fight against ignorance and superstition.  To ignore a thing, is to never know of its existence.  To fear a thing, is to not understand it.  Both of these have been permanent fixtures in human nature, and it's high time we purge ourselves of both.  It's just like Roosevelt said, "The only thing to fear is, fear itself."

A drowning person lets their fear and panic determine the outcome of their predicament, which sometimes results in that  person succumbing to their terror.  And yet, throw a new born baby into the pool, and the infant's natural gift as a born swimmer takes control.  Genetic memory has provided the "diver's reflex" that's so crucial for survival, so the baby instinctively holds its' breath while swimming calmly to the surface.

The fear of drowning is a conditioned, or a learned response.  We could make this same argument for most other fears not involving our genetic programming.  Many of you let that fear be your guide.  If you think you're going to fall as you walk a tight rope, then you probably will.  If you think your world is doomed, and that there's nothing anyone can do to stop it, then that reality might likely unfold too.

      This is all very interesting, and maybe even informative.  Given the current status of our evolution, it could even be construed as meaningful.  But if we could, I'd like to get back to why I wasn't hungry until just now.

It has to do with being in the alpha state. Coincidentally, this is the frequency at which your soul responds best to 3rd dimensional physics.  In this alpha state, you're in step with your soul.  As for why a person feels no hunger pangs while immersed in deep thought or meaningful activity, physical laws (like needing food) fall by the way side as well.  The more engaging or imaginative your mind, or the act that so engages it, the less likely you'll be victim of an on-coming snack attack.

Transcendentalists have known this for millennia, and have often fasted to reach certain mental plateaus. Once there, such an altered reality can allow a glimmering of the metaphysical world.  Requiring tremendous amounts of discipline for some, it can be achieved quite naturally for others.  In this regard, both Gandhi and Christ were cut from the same cloth.

      Given some of their claims, both had access to plenty of fermented cactus juice too.  Amazing what a peanut butter sandwich can do for a person's mood.  Ok, for the sake of these arguments, it's agreed that all living things are cut from the same cloth, because they come from the same moment of creation. I'm becoming concerned now that we're only trying to justify things that I've known instinctively all along. What we need to do finally, is to find a way for others to see the world in similar ways.  If only a way could be discovered that would make us less short-sighted.

Firstly, you can't make anyone or anything do something they don't want to.  You can lead a horse to water...

      Only thing is, if a horse gets thirsty, no motivation beyond thirst is needed in order for it to take a long & much needed drink.  The horse will do so of its own free will. It seems to me that there's a lot of thirst that needs slaking these days.  There's the thirst for knowledge (otherwise, why would they believe in the things they do?) and the thirst for freedom, to name but two examples. 

       People are keeling over left and right from being dried up spiritually.  We trying leading them to the water's edge, but they keep refusing to satisfy their parched minds.  Not trying to be cute here, but I wonder if it's because we've poisoned our own water table? Who would have thought we'd be paying a buck for a bottle of natural spring water? Is it coincidence that one of the leaders of the bottled water movement was Evian? That's the word "naive" spelled backwards.

That's just a tip of the bottle if we're talking environment now. Should we start talking about where we started taking a wrong turn in this area?

      First, I'd like to recap a little bit.  Specifically, we've said that we're less aware of our physical needs at times. Things like hunger will disappear whenever we're engaged in a creative act, or in some other equally pleasant diversion. That's because such pursuits require us to take a momentary leave from the physical world. A profound mental introspection for instance, will lead us to an alpha-state of consciousness. In so doing, we're basically saying "hello" to our soul. During this link between body and soul, we forget that we're hungry?
I could use another snack I think.

In a cosmic eggshell, that's essentially it, yes. Your soul has no more need for food than you need an understanding of string theory in order to feel how everything's connected. They are you know.

      What's string theory got to do with this?  I know it's a major player in how particle dynamics create symmetry in the universe, but how's that significant here?

In the finest sense, it has a great deal to do with everything --- as we apply it to your world of absolutes.  The almost infinitely small mono-filaments identified theoretically by particle physicist, are also called super strings.  They could well constitute the missing mass that would be necessary to bring the universe (and its shadowy alternates) back into a big crunch.  These invisible strings are largely responsible for the unseen energy that literally, binds everything together.

The original singularity, or the interconnection of all matter and energy, has never waned.  This is the crazy glue for the universe.  It keeps things from flying apart, including your own body.  It keeps electrons in their orbits around atomic nuclei, planets around their parent stars, galaxies tugging on galaxies, and it helps guide the known universe toward those yet unknown.  On a more metaphysical note, these strings keep us attached to the original singularity, and keep a soul tethered to a body...   

    I'm guessing I've had way too much sugar now.  As for the rest of this whole book thing, sorry if it was a bit hard to swallow at times.  Remind me later to rip out my tonsils... I'll make a note of it!






Eeba dee, eeba dee, that's all for now folks.  This takes us roughly half way through this inner dialogue.  If you've made it this far, I'm impressed! I'm still hoping that this thing gets published someday.  Till then, you can e-mail me for more (see home page to do so).  If you wish to let me know about what you think of what's been written so far, you can do that by signing into the guest book below.                    Thanks much for your time.
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